On Watching Casablanca Again Last Night

 1) Don’t tell a man, “You’ll have to think for both of us,” unless that man is Humphrey Bogart and you are Ingrid Bergman, or  else I’ll throw a shoe at you. But Ingrid, girl, I get it.

2) After watching Casablanca, you must cry when listening to “As Time Goes By” even when you’re on a subway platform and the singer is accompanied by a portable keyboard. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re being overly sentimental. Scold them for their unfeeling tear ducts.

3) Don’t watch Casablanca if you are in love, were in love, or ever expect to be in love.

4) Humphrey Bogart, marry me.


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