This was a weekend of epiphanies (rather oddly timed, as Lent is upon us). But the epiphanies were hard-won and surrounded in dramatic incidents. One friend’s heartbreak, another’s journey to self-knowledge and a long, tough discussion about sin led to this being the most peaceful morning I’ve had in months. It’s not pain-free, since watching my friends go through difficulties isn’t easy for me to watch, and I often don’t agree with the way they handle them. But it set a sharp contrast to my whining and moping about a life that is abundantly blessed.
For the past few weeks my prayer has been difficult. I’ve been more distracted than usual, with my mind roaming all around–searching for comfort and an easy answer. If I’ve been guilty of anything lately, it’s been an odd selfishness, a feeling that I’ve given God “enough” and he ought not ask anything more of me. I’ve been fiercely protective of my time and resources. And I’ve felt entitled–oh, so entitled–to getting rewarded for my work, my “good behavior.” The thing is, holding grudges, dwelling on sadness, pitying oneself isn’t good behavior. It’s extremely destructive, and I find myself grateful that the season of purging from all that is not necessary is here.
Lord, as we prepare ourselves to enter the season of Lent, grant us simple hearts. Give us an ever greater desire for you!